Perhaps you have checked up a partner’s ex’s Instagram away from fascination? (Emergency room, guilty.) And it has that attraction ever added your off a bunny opening out of searching having pointers and you may, maybe, low-trick cyberstalking them? Yeah, for folks who wound-up obtaining on the a photograph using their higher university graduation, you might have scrolled past an acceptable limit. As well as, you might be experience retroactive envy.

Unlike the garden variety green-eyed monster, retroactive jealousy (RJ) describes an obsession or feelings of envy related to your partner’s past, typically around their previous romantic or sexual relationships, explains Kate Balestrieri, PhD, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy.

Jacqui Gabb, PhD, is a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University, a public research university in Milton Keynes, England, and Chief Relationships Officer at Matched.

It’s named “retroactive” because involves getting envious on a thing that already happened and you will can’t be changed, in place of envying people or something taking place from the right here and then, Balestrieri contributes.

When you find yourself reading this and you may thought, “Wow, have always been I the issue?”-stop for a second. It is essential to remember that impact envious is common and not all of the different retroactive envy are explicitly harmful. As an alternative, it is simply an emotion to take notice out of (on one to later).

In the future, find out what factors retroactive jealousy, what are some cues that you may have it, and you will what can be done whenever you are ruminating more than the partner’s exes.

What is actually retroactive envy?

Beyond becoming overly curious (or maybe even obsessed) and you will envious regarding a partner’s previous relationship, retroactive envy usually takes the form regarding contrasting yourself to the ex(es), states Balestrieri. So, eg, you can believe that a partner’s previous spouse try wiser, greatest looking, otherwise finest in the sack, whenever that can not be the fact.

Retroactive jealousy ount out-of romantic and sexual partners your significant other has experienced prior to now. Including, individuals having RJ you are going to persuade by themselves you to definitely the S.O. had best sex making use of their earlier mate(s) than they might be having using them, Balestrieri claims.

“It will very raise up lots of pain to own lovers just like the towards the companion which have RJ, they may be fixated to your understanding the specifics of their partner’s early in the day matchmaking, wanting to know if their partner is considering otherwise dreaming about their ex, if not comparing the current connection with their early in the day event,” she shows you.

It’s also important to observe that retroactive envy is generally exacerbated by digital units such as for instance social media, making it easier to fall toward this type of bad envision patterns.

It used to be that you could take down a physical picture of your ex, get rid of the photo albums, burn the love letters, and any trace of your past relationship would be pretty much gone, explains Jacqui Gabb, PhD, a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University, a public research university in Milton Keynes, England, and Chief Relationships Officer at Paired. Now, your exes may reappear or linger through some sort of digital trace. “There’s almost an intensification of retroactive jealousy because there’s a greater capacity for exes to be present in your life through social media, even if you’re not close friends with them anymore.”

What is the difference between retroactive envy and you will normal jealousy?

When thinking about the difference between RJ and regular ol‘ J, you want to think of it in terms of an active threat versus an inactive one, says Emily Simonian, LMFT, a licensed ily therapist based in Washington, D.C. Irak mariГ©es and head of clinical learning at Thriveworks. Regular jealousy about something happening in the moment serves more of a purpose (i.e. safeguarding your relationship or taking action when your partner crosses a boundary), whereas, because it’s over a past occurrence, retroactive jealousy doesn’t really have anywhere to go. In other words, this form of jealousy is often unfounded.